On the way home from church on Sunday...

"Look! A rocket making clouds in the sky!"
         -Joseph

In Which I Ponder My Dreams and Future...*

Usually I have a long list of things to write about, but only when I don't have time to write. When I sit down to write, all those lovely ideas fly away like fowl at the sound of a gunshot. Convenient, right?
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The goal of my life is to bring glory to God, my Redeemer. Sometimes I shrink from stating this, because I don't want to sound pious. But this is the deepest desire of my heart. Of course, my heart also lusts after things of this earth. I still struggle with sin. I still fall. But this quest for God's glory, I feel, is outside of my selfishness. I desire for Him to be glorified, not because it will somehow help me. I know and find comfort in the fact that God will be glorified wether I have anything to do with it or not. I believe God gave me this love for His glory, because I am selfish by nature, so there's no way it came from me. I thank Him for giving it.
Like with every one of His children, God has gifted me with different strengths and weaknesses. I've  always wanted control, which can most defenatly be used in a bad way, but also in a good way. Another word for this control is leadership. I want to be a leader for Christ.  But how to lead?
I learned at Worldveiw that everyone is a leader. The best way I heard that explained is that by your behavior, you effect others. For instance, when you're sitting through a lecture, paying attention and thinking about what is being said, others around you are more likely to pay attention. If you doodle and are off in lala land, others will be distracted as well (trust me, I have nothing against doodling. I know it helps some people to listen. I also know that this is not always the case, and that it can be distracting).
Even though everyone is a leader (arguably), some leaders have more influence than others. The president 's choices effect more people than your neighbor's choices. You'd listen to your mom's advice before a stranger's. See what I'm getting at?
I want to lead people. I want to be more than just a neighbor or a stranger. (And no, I don't plan on running for president in 2044.) I want Christ to lead through me.  But I don't know what this leadership would look like.
Although I've had this desire to lead for a while, I was scared to start. A part of it was my fear of looking like a feminist, or something. I know that men are designed to be leaders, that God has put them in that position; and I respect that. I rejoice when l see men step up to their role with confidence in Christ. I want to see it more often. Because of this I tried to stifle this desire, or calling, if you will. Now I see how I can use this gift. God showed me that  I can lead women.
Alright, that was the climax. Now how to tie all this up?
I'm planning on co-leading a bible study. (I find it ironic that I'm the youngest of the group.  I remind myself that Paul told Timothy, "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." (Timothy 4:12) I must find my identity in Christ, and nothing else.) I'm also helping with Good News Club, and I see it more as a place of leadership than before. I also love it a lot more and am enjoying the kids.
One of my uncles prayed recently that I would "be [my] own woman." That I would, while still being respectful, go my own way and not be effected by opinions and such. (I am totally paraphrasing here.) I really appreciated that. It gave me confidence to follow after God and not worry what others might think of me. To be my own woman, the woman that God created me to be.
So that's how I've been leading lately. I don't know how God will use this leadership in the future, but I pray I bring Him glory, now and later.
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I've had the blessing of God's nearness this past week. I was in His word; I held conversation with Him throughout the day; I sought the Lord and He answered me by being present with me. I thank Him for His presence. I ask that I will seek Him, and  that He will be with me.
And I encourage each of my readers to seek after Him. "Seek, and you shall find..." (Matthew 7:7) May the Almighty be your gold. May you find life in Him, and Him alone.  And if there is something that He is calling you to do, but you're afraid to do it, seek Him in prayer. And obey His voice. "Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me." (John 14:21)

Grace and peace,

No man is an island.

* title inspired by the one in  this post. Thanks Rebekah!

Anyone want to be sappyified?

I'm trying to be a good soul and  blog more often, but then comes the trouble of finding something to write about. I suppose I could just write about how I can't think of anything to write about. Isn't that a novel idea?
Speaking of novels (see what I did there? Yeah, okay, I just ruined the effect.), I have been reading The Scarlet Letter for history/literature. Although the writing style is a little difficult at first, I really appreciate the author's honesty in portraying the characters. I haven't finished it yet, though, so maybe my opinion of it will change. What do you think of it? (Unless you haven't read it, like someone I know. =) )
Seriously, I'm at a loss as to what I should write about. I mean, that little bit about The Scarlet Letter was obviously fascinating, but I must think of something else. Oh, and is it bad blog manners to admit that you can't for the life of you think of something worthwhile to write about?!?
In any case...
One can be quite inspired by their atmosphere (or fartmosphere. This is what happens when you have brothers. They say dumb things and then the rest of  your slaphappy siblings burst out laughing, and suddenly it becomes the funniest thing for the next ten minutes.). As it happens, I am sitting on the floor in the schoolroom while some of my (very, very slaphappy, as I stated already) siblings are playing the board game Life. Personally, I'd rather be watching such goings from the outside, as emotions are very high strung (yes, I come from a competitive family), and I can just shake my head at the players and try to convince them that it is just a game.
Anna is telling me that I need to get off (which is true), so I'll leave you with the happy picture of my family gathered around the schoolroom table, enjoying their game of life. For, although none of them are perfect, and they can forget, sometimes, that it's just a game, they all really love each other and like to spend time with each other. And I love to have the outside seat, where I can see them enjoy one another.
Alright, now that I have satisfied your most likely nonexistent sappy craving, I'll sign off.

A History Lesson

For History I have an assignment to write a page on how history has effected my community. I've been doing a lot of research, and I find it all so fascinating! Did you know, for instance, that Teddy Roosevelt drove through Morris during the 1912 election? There's a picture to prove it!!!
I've also been learning about family history. Mom was looking through some of her files and found a letter from her dad's dad, Julius Kuhr, to his future wife, Katherine Haldorf, whom I was named after. It reads:
                                                                                 Elmhurst Jan. 30-1936
"My dearest Katie.
Be careful about the nose of yours and don't let it freeze too much. Temperature 21 below don't feel so hot does it? It is warming up a little here, only zero now but it was about 4 below when I got up.
I took the hens back to the henhouse the other day and I hope l don't have to mind them again because a basement isn't really a place for chickens.
                                     about four aclock
Every morning the rooster let me know that he was still there but I did nt like the idea of him awaken me that early in the morning.
I wrote to Blair [where most of his family was, Mom says] a few days after I got back, but havent heard from them yet and most likely wont for several months to come.
No I have nt had anybody stay with me overnight since Chris left, years ago but l am looking forward to when you can stay with me every night and of course every day too.
I should have had sense enough not to get so close to you when I had a cold but my feelings are sometimes stronger than ___ ___ [?] and therefore do things which I hadn't ought to. I really think I am the cause of you having a sore throat and I guess that is what Mrs. Hansen meant.well next time I happen to be with you and I have cold I will try and control myself, do you think I can?
Yesterday afternoon Nils was down here and when he left I went with him up town to get a haircut, but when I got there the door was locked of course then I got to remember that all barbershops closes Vendsday afternoon, and so I'll have to take another walk up there today.
Tuesday I fixed my car and then drove to the union hall to get my name on the list and told them not to forget to call me up whenever some more men were needed. This cold weather didn't agree so well with my hens. Don't get so many eggs as I used to, but even so I get enough to keep me going. Am still caughing a little at times but not bad.
                             Goodbye and wach your nose.
                                     Love,
                                              J"
(My great-grandpa was from Denmark, and English was his second language.)
Well, that's all the history for now. I hope you all have a blessed day!
Grace and peace,

Long Time No See!

First day of school! Really, it didn't feel like school, since most of it was just stating what we would be doing for the year. If I had to pick what I think might be my favorite subject, I'd say History, the Literature part. I love reading!!!
Speaking of reading, I just started Julius Caesar (Shakespeare) yesterday, and I love it! Our family saw the play this summer (Shakespeare in the Park), so it was easier to picture. And I could tell the characters apart. :)
So, that's what I've been reading lately.
I would say I'll write another post soon, but that would jinx it, so I better not.
Grace and peace,

 

So...

Our family went to the Baffa's house on Monday, and Susannah took pictures for my blog! It was so much fun!

Check this out!
Grace and peace,

Happy Endings

There are no happy endings. Not in real life, anyway. There are happy endings in books, but then, not really, because life still goes on for the characters, even if we don't witness it. No, there are no happy endings.
Because heaven will never end.

Thankful....

Contemplating the reason for life is always interesting. I mean, I know the purpose for life: to glorify God. But there are many ways to do that, and I believe finding our own personal way to glorify Him is our job, our quest in the whole course of this lifetime. It is, of course, secondary to seeking God's face. Finding our niche can only be accomplished through our relationship with God. We are constantly trying to discern what is ahead, and what we should do about it. Should I take this job? Should we have another child? Should I get married? All of this is useless without submitting to God's will and trusting Him with the outcome.
And though sometimes His plans are quite clear, and attainable, and pleasurable, they are also sometimes unclear, long-in-coming, and hard. And those are the times when He grows us most. For no matter how long we wait, how much we doubt, how painful it is, I know from personal experience that the outcome is joyful, and the result makes us more mature in the faith. And during the trials He never leaves us, never lets us despair-at least, not for long. He is gracious in this- there is joy in the morning.
And through these we grow to love Him more, to want to love Him more. And I am so thankful for that. Thankful that I have grown closer to Him.    

My Other Blog

I started a fashion blog recently. I am still going to post on this one, but I love fashion, and I wanted to "express myself" this way. Although I haven't been the greatest at posting all that often. But oh, well. It is what it is.
So here it is, what you've all been waiting for. Drum-roll please!!!!!!!!!!!
Fashionista {Esther} Cranberry
Go check it out!
Until next time,

My Surrender Story

I read Nancy Leigh DeMoss's book, Surrender, over Christmas break. I've been struggling my whole Christian life, trying to both follow God's lead and control my own life. God used this book to begin to really surrender to Him.
I have dreams, fears, relationships with family and friends, desires, all of these things that I want to control. And as I tried to control all these things, I believe I have let them control me. My focus was, and still is, in some ways, on all these things with God, not just.... HIM.  Kind of like a suitcase with a tag on it. My dreams, family, friendships, fears, and sins are all in the suitcase defining me, while God's name is written on the tag.
As I thought about all of this, I knew I needed to surrender everything to Him.
At first I was leery. Like, wasn't I already a Christian? Hadn't I already done all of this?
But had I? I mean, mostly, yes, but I had gradually pulled the horses reins back into my own hands. Or maybe I had been holding them the whole ride.
Either way, if I had already surrendered, why was I afraid to do it again? It could only mean that I was holding something back, that I had my hand on part of the rein.
So, by God's amazing grace, I gave the reins completely over to Him. I have felt less stress, less strain form the reins because I am not holding them. I am leaning back in the seat, trusting Him (and continually having to re-trust Him, as I often doubt where He is taking me).
Now don't get me wrong. The way I've been writing this you might be imagining a carriage or cart driven by God with me, such a happy camper, sitting next to Him. The scenery is beautiful, the air is fresh and balmy, and everything is happy and joyful.
But no, the road is bumpy. It jolts an tilts me, sometimes just slightly, other times I almost fall out of my seat. But my Driver holds me in, even while driving expertly.
In other words, giving God all the things I find most important-family, friends, conversations, my fears, my dreams, and everything else- is really hard. (Okay. I admit it. I'm a bit of a control freak.) It's hard to give Him the lives of my family and friends to whatever He has in store for them. It's scary sometimes to let Him speak through me, to use me in any way that He chooses in the future. And speaking of the future, it is so very hard to trust Him with that. All my life I've dreamed, and yet He may have other plans.
But He is so much more wise than I could ever be! I'm pretty sure I can trust Him with my life. And honestly, it is so much more relaxing to let Him have control. I don't have to worry about anything. It's all in His plan.
And O, what joy surrounds me! For I am His alone.
Thank You, Father, for this work You have begun in me.
May all praise and glory and honor be His, forever and ever.
Amen.        

Another Poem

I wrote this one late last night:


To God be Glorious Praises
       by Katherine White
"Though many tongues are silent,
When subject is religion,
And many words are empty,
And many lives spent wasted,
Why should I keep silent,
Though people stop and stare?
And why should I speak nonsense, 
And never take a dare?
Shall I not sing praises, 
To one I call my King?
Will I sit and wallow,
When I could jump and sing?
Who would choose this emptiness,
When offered endless love?
I had chosen nothingness,
But give Him now my life.
And oh, what joy surrounds me!
For I am His alone. 
And He has lavished love on me,
And I will see His throne.
The throne of the Almighty,
Who was, and is, twill be,
To Him be glorious praises,
The Three in One is He."

My Songs and Poem from 2014

The first song I wrote was after I had been doubting God. I didn't think He was listening to me. Then He reminded me of this song that we were practicing at the time for signing. I also remembered this verse  (the second part). That night, as I was playing around at the piano, I wrote this:
 Never Fear
 Don't you fear.
 I am here,
 holding you,
 in My arms.

 Don't you cry.
 I will always be
 by your side.
 Never fear.

As for the other songs, I can't really remember how they came about. But here they are anyway:

"Before the dawn of time,
Before the stars were placed,
You took me to be holy and blameless before your face.

Before the earth was formed,
Before the sun was made,
You chose me to be part of Your spotless bride.

Chorus 
I will praise Your name, oh Lord,
Forevermore.
And I will trust Your promises,
And listen to Your voice.
For You have taken this broken child,
And brought me to Your side.
So I will praise Your name forevermore.

Because of what You've done,
Because of how He died,
Because of how the blood of Christ gushed from His side,

The eyes that see my sin,
Now see a spotless one,
And I will stand and praise Your name, and wait until You come!"


Any name ideas? :) The next one:

"Break my pride,
Lord I pray.
Take these haughty thoughts.
Steal away my unbelief,
Crush my selfish ways.
Chorus
Create in me,
A clean heart,
That I might thirst for You,
Blot out my transgressions,
And lead me to Your throne.

I have sinned,
Against You,
Against You alone.
But You have saved,
Me from death,
And made me Your own!
(Chorus)

A broken and contrite heart,
Oh God,
You will not despise.
I give myself to You alone.
Take this wayward child."
(Chorus)

I really wish you could hear the music, but I guess you'll just have to ask me the next time I see you! :)

As for the poem....

"Stay my beating heart and beat,
To the rhythm of God's feat;
Mind thee always, stop and see,
How unchangeable is He!"

This was after I realized more fully how awesome God is.

Well, I hope you enjoyed these!

Love, grace, and peace,

Looking Back and Ahead

Since we're in the new year, I decided to write about all that I have accomplished in 2014:

• I started and completed a 238 page journal written to God. Which means that I've written more than that this year because I have to count the journal I started after the finished one. (Did you get any of that? Kudos to you!)
• I read 100 books since the beginning of summer. A few of my favorites are:

1. Little Woman by Louisa May Alcott-I love this one every time I read it.
2. The Bronze Bow by Elizabeth George Speare- This is probably my favorite book ever-so far. I've read it often and I love it more each time. 
3. The Mother-Daughter Book Club Series by Heather Vogel Frederick-I love this series!
4. Princess Academy and Princess Academy Palace of Stone by Shannon Hale 
5.  All the other books I read by Shannon Hale. They were written so well and I love her imagination!
6. One for the Murphys by Lynda Mullaly Hunt. This book was so heartbreaking and wonderful. If you like to cry, you need to read this book. All the womenfolk of the family were bawling when they read this and even my brothers cried. 
7. 39 Clues Series by various authors-These are action-packed super-fun books.  I cried while reading these as well.
8. The Help by Kathryn Stockett- This was very eye-opening and I enjoyed it so much that I bought it. I love this one!!!! I would have paid much more for it. (Notice how I leave the price unstated) ;)  
9. Surrender by Nancy Leigh DeMoss- This was the last book that I read in 2014 and I think that was very fitting. It was very challenging and I encourage you all to read it.

• I ran/walked a 5k for Abolition International. See here.
• I wrote 3 songs and one poem (I'll put up a post for them)
• Mom and I went on our overnight that was supposed to happen when I was 13, but better last year then never!
• I went a whole month without washing my hair with shampoo (see here)
• I got my braces off!!!!!!!!  And I must have done a good job cleaning them too, because usually when they take them off your gums bleed and mine didn't! My orthodontist  had never seen that before and said that it was "remarkable!" Awesome sauce!!!!!
• I went to Wisconsin with my Uncle, Aunt, and their 4 kids! They were going to a conference and I watched the kids. I had my own bathroom! First time EVER. Also the first time I had my own room. Oh, the joys of having 10 siblings! :) 

So that's all I can think about right now.

Now for what I hope to do in 2015:

• I have only one resolution, and that is to spend time with God every day (maybe 30 minutes) and  follow Him wherever He takes me. 

All the rest are goals:

• I would like to read 150 books this year. I thought about making it 200, but that's a bit far-fetched, don't you think?
• I want to go 2 months without washing my hair. I will be wearing a lot of headbands. ;)
• I want to learn more piano and get better at it. 
• I would like to be diligent in practicing guitar